Week 51- The one with the trial of my faith.

Friends!

This week was a very interesting week for everyone in the state of Oregon. As you probably know...the whole state basically went up in flames in a day and it makes my heart so so heavy.

Luckily, in Bend there are no fires (knock on wood) but seeing the devastation and people losing everything, including family members of our ward breaks my heart.

It started out smokey on Monday and then it cleared up a little and then Thursday we got the call that we were to stay inside because of the bad air quality. When I mean bad air quality I am meaning hazardous. For a comparison New Delhi, India AQI was 124 and we were at 425 on Friday. So... basically we were put back into quarantine but I would say this time is a lot harder because we can't even go outside because we can't breath the air out there. Let's just say I got a little stir crazy in our little tiny apartment. But I am counting my blessings: no fires close, plenty of food, fans blowing and I am safe! We have the best ward members and are so kind and care for our well being.

But miracles still exist even during trying times!

We got on a zoom call with the whole mission and President and Sister Wilde are so wonderful and helped in building our faith to know that there are miracles ahead. We just need to have faith to make it happen!

I really took that to heart and wanted to see those miracles even during this chaotic time. So we went to work with facebook finding...doing that all day is definitely monotonous! But we push through. We made lots of videos and had video lessons. (thank you technology!)

Here is a fun thing that happened for us this week:

On Friday someone messaged me and asked me why the Book of Mormon is so important to me? I WAS SO EXCITED TO GET THIS MESSAGE! I bore my testimony and talked about how I feel Gods love. After some conversation we got on the Godhead and he couldn't understand why I believe the Book of Mormon and the Bible to go hand in hand if they don't teach the same thing about God. I told him I would love to answer that over video and he said yes.

The video call was yesterday and man it was not what I was expecting. I had a impression to get a ward member to join who is good with the Bible and knows their stuff. I am so glad I listened to that prompting because this guy brought his friend who is very well versed in the Bible and half the time he wanted to debate. In a way they were wanting to save us and saying some unkind things about Joseph Smith that broke my heart. I boldly invited them to read the Book of Mormon and they boldly told us to read something they found on our church website and pray and ask God if we believe in the same God thats talked about in the Bible. We said yes and then ended the lesson. Ya that was an intense lesson and my mind filled with questions and I was just so confused.

We did some family history afterwards but I couldn't stop thinking about everything and reading the thing they sent us. I was certainly curious. Luckily Sister White went into the other room to break her fast and I went on my knees and then looked up at our "Jesus wall" and thought to myself, "I just can't imagine my Father in Heaven and my older brother Jesus Christ being one being. It breaks my heart and makes me kind of sick." My eyes just filled up with tears and then went into the other room to pray to God. Talk about a wrestle. I kind of now know what Enos felt when he said "I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God,' And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul."

I got this overwhelming feeling of love and peace and God helping me to know that everything that I was feeling was ok. I felt total comfort while I was on my knees. Hard to explain but I hope you get what I mean. I know God loves me and helped me strengthen my faith through the recent young adult Face To Face broadcast. Everything that was said I needed, the testimony of a recent convert and the music that bore beautiful testimony of Christ and His restored gospel calmed my heart.

(Ether 12:6)

I learned something very valuable that night. Joseph F. Smith said it perfectly, "He intends to try us and prove us, and He has a right to do it, even to the death if need be, and only those who endure to the end, who will not flinch, but will maintain their integrity at the risk and sacrifice of their all, if need be, will gain eternal life, or be worthy of the reward of the faithful."

God has the right to try us and that's because it helps us become more like Him. I do know that God is my Father who loves me and I am made in His image. I know Jesus Christ is my Savior and has felt everything I did and will go through. I know that in the fall of 1820 Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ as two separate beings.

One more miracle ;)

We made a video yesterday on a prompting sister white acted on and I am so glad she did. It was a message to everyone in Bend to message us if they need a message of hope or if they know of someone that does. Well we got 4 likes from it and so I messaged all of those people. Two responded and one of them said yes to meeting with us. I was able to bear my testimony to him of what I have found in the Gospel and how its given me purpose. It was really cool!

I love my Savior Jesus Christ and his mercy for someone so imperfect like me. I am grateful that this is a church where we learn and become what God wants us to become. Being a missionary is hard but rewarding which is so GOOOOD!!! I am grateful that God shows me my weaknesses because that means I am coming closer to Him. ⬇️

"If you’re seeing more of your weaknesses, that just might mean you’re moving nearer to God, not farther away." -Bruce C. Hafen

I love you all

Love,

Sister Fillmore